


Fragments of their Life

by StellaGibsonsGirl



Category: The Fall (TV 2013)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-06-07 09:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 9,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15216185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellaGibsonsGirl/pseuds/StellaGibsonsGirl
Summary: A collection of very short ficlets and headcanons I post on tumblr from time to time. Often just a few lines long. Will be updated irregularly.Mostly dealing with the aftermath of the Belfast Strangler Case and Stella's return to London. Hint: Tanya's moving to London, too.





	1. A Problem

It’s a problem. It’s a problem because it is distracting her. And she should not be distracted, not right now, not with a strangler terrorizing the city of Belfast. It’s also a problem because it is keeping her awake at night, this constant thought of her coworker’s legs, her hands, her hair, even her lips – especially her lips. Every morning, she has to force herself to keep from checking on Stella; every night, she has to hold her tongue so as not to accidentally say more than she wants to say, so as to not say “Come home with me…“

This is new. This is out of control. This is very scary. And hence, a problem. And her real problem is that now, Rose is gone. Rose is gone and she is thinking of Stella, and is imagining Stella’s hands taking off her shirt and Stella’s lips on hers and Stella’s legs around her and… it is not right. 

She has been crushing on women, yes. Actresses on tv, even another mom from her girls’ school, but somehow this is more real. Because Stella looks back at her. Really looks at her. It’s as if she knows… but she can’t. It’s impossible. 

It’s a problem. And it won't solve itself...


	2. A Memory (Stella's first time with a girl)

When Stella Gibson is 16, she first kisses a girl. Her name is May, she has brown hair and very blue eyes, she is tiny like Stella, and she is studying at Stella’s school for a year while her father is working for the U.S. Embassy in London. To this day, Stella can’t really say what leads up to this event; but they are at a party in Soho and it is a loud party, and at some point May leads Stella into a corner and pulls her close. 

It’s Stella who kisses her first, and damn, she had wanted this since she had walked into her classroom, but she only realizes this now. 

That night, Stella goes home with this girl and makes her come twice. And the next morning, she realizes her parents must have heard them. She will never forget the look of surprise on May’s mom’s face when they come out of her room the next morning, hair disheveled, tired, holding hands. 

When Stella Gibson tells Reed this story, they are lounging in Stella’s bed, Reed’s hands on Stella’s back, Stella cuddled into Reed’s side. “But that’s enough for now,” she whispers. “Now let me make you come again…”.


	3. Never again

It’s been a very difficult weekend for Stella Gibson. She was about to go home on Friday afternoon, when she was called to assist with the disappearance of a 3 year old boy from a playground in Central London. It has been close to 30 hours without sleep for her when they make the arrest and find him, thankfully, unharmed. 

The weekend was supposed to go very differently. They had tickets to the opera for Saturday, they were going to meet with Tanya’s brother and his wife for brunch this morning. Neither has happened, and instead, Stella is teary from exhaustion when she unlocks the door to her apartment. Tanya isn’t there - she has gone to the brunch on her own - and Stella just takes a shower and falls into bed. 

When she wakes up, it is bright daylight, and she is not alone in her bed. Tanya has wrapped both arms tightly around her. “Hi baby”, she whispers into Stella’s ear, “I am so glad you are finally home. I’ve changed my flights to be here with you until the morning, ok?” Stella turns around and smiles at her girlfriend. “I love you so much”, she whispers. “And I am so glad I don’t have to be by myself right now.” “You will never have to be by yourself again, Stella. Never again…”


	4. Smiling Stella

“Ouch,” Stella whimpers as she sits down on the kitchen chair, “I think I’ve pulled a muscle in my arm or something.” “Oh honey, I told you you should not be lifting these heavy weights…I don’t even understand why you need to go to the studio so often…” “I told you it’s to stay fit and because it’s my hobby. I swear that I didn’t, though,” Stella returns. “I think I am just getting old…” “No, you are not,” Reed says. “Yes I am. Undeniably. Look at all the wrinkles under my eyes and the lines around my mouth and-” “Shhhhh,” comes from Reed, “Stop this, Stella. Look at me. You are not old. And all those lines are from smiling…” 

She gently sits down in Stella’s lap and touches Stella’s forehead, then softly traces patterns around her eyes, her mouth, her throat. “What are you doing?” Stella asks. “Trying to get you to smile…”


	5. Lips

Dr. Reed-Smith cleaning up her office after a very long and depressing day, and thinking of Stella’s lips. On hers. Soon.


	6. Garden Party

“Oh I have absolutely nothing to wear to this garden party,” Stella complains. “Why did we agree to go to this again? I really think I should have to gone shopping… and I did not have time for that… and I am already annoyed because -” “But they are your friends, Stella, remember? And you have not seen them in a long time because… because I kind of kept you from that… and honestly, I want to meet them?” Reed raises her voice as if asking a question. “Are you afraid I won’t make a good impression?” she inquires, and winks at Stella. 

“Awwww, no baby… not at all… I’m just kind of frustrated with all this formal wear. I feel like I have nothing to wear for just… hanging out, you know?” “Well, you have not allowed yourself to do that in years…” “I know…” Stella sighs. 

Reed walks over to her and starts caressing Stella’s hips, pulling her very close in the process, “I’ll offer you my jeans or whatever else you might want that I actually have here… under one condition… I get to take off your clothes tonight.”


	7. Saturday Morning

Stella’s very exhausted from a long week at work, and so her girlfriend let her sleep in this morning. She just took her girls to soccer practice and found Stella still asleep in her darkened bedroom. Now she’s cuddling up to her, kissing Stella’s favorite spot behind her ear and running her hands across her belly…


	8. Shopping with a Friend

Stella’s shopping with her best friend in London this weekend. She has bought a new bag; her friend just some nail polish and lotion so far. As they stop for a moment in a café Stella casually mentions that she’s looking for something to wear to a wedding, and her friend asks who’s getting married and when and where, and Stella looks at her, looks down, looks at her again, smiles, looks down again and then says quietly “I am.”


	9. Confession

“I really haven’t…” Stella pulls Tanya’s head into her lap and starts a gentle massage. “It wasn’t an option. It was just… one-night stands, nothing romantic. Not for years.” Tanya looks up at her with curious eyes. “But after… after Belfast,” Stella continues, “seeing anyone else, or kissing anyone else... It just wasn’t… it wasn’t in the cards anymore. I knew then…” “Mmmmh… don’t stop,” Tanya whispers. Stella leans down to her: “How about we take this to the bedroom though? I promise I’ll continue…” She pulls Tanya up with herself, wrapping both arms tightly around her and hugging her, before she starts walking into the general direction of her bedroom, taking her hand. 

One more week until they get married. One more week until she’ll never let go of her hand again.


	10. Something's off at the MET

At first, it seemed like nothing was different, or maybe something was off, but it couldn’t be defined. Stella had looked tired, beat, upon her return from Belfast. But then gradually, she had changed, from the person she was before into… What, exactly?   
It wasn’t anything in her looks. Her wounds from the Spector case had healed, she was still impeccably dressed, her hair was still the same. But something was decidedly different.   
The secretary on their floor noticed first, but then the rest of them noticed as well. She was working as hard as ever, but Stella left on time; sometimes she rushed out on Fridays. She was not there on the weekends. Not on the bank holiday. She was not the first to come in on Monday morning. Then, she took a personal day. The first in four years. And then another one. Something was absolutely off.   
“What is it?,” one of her colleagues had tried to inquire on afternoon. “What is what?,” Stella had returned, grabbed her coffee cup and left, suddenly in a hurry. That was another sign something was not the same.   
And then, one Friday night, one of them begins to understand what an entire department of investigators had not been able to figure out in more than three months. He’s picking up his wife from the airport. And suddenly there’s Stella. Waiting in the arrivals hall. With a single rose in her hand.   
So that is what is new.


	11. What the heart wants

When Tanya is offered a position in the London hospital system, she does not take a long time to think. Not even ten minutes. She doesn’t ask anyone for advice, doesn’t call anyone, but accepts immediately.   
She keeps telling herself that the reason she agreed without any hesitation is that it will be good for her family. Her girls will be closer to their grandparents, and it’ll be easier to travel from Manchester, where her ex-husband lives, to London. She keeps telling herself she does it for them.   
But in reality, it’s her heart taking the decision for her. They’d talked about it a few times, she and Stella; but never in much detail. It was always this thing “to keep in mind in case a position opens in London or close to London.” But Tanya knows that long-distance is not what she wants. She just wants to be with Stella.   
Moving to London is something Tanya does entirely for herself, and for Stella – and for her heart.


	12. Moving in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for a "5 Headcanons"- prompt on tumblr: Stella and Reed getting used to living together.

1\. They don’t live together at all times right away. Tanya gets a place a bit outside of Central London that’s large enough for herself and the girls, and technically, for Stella. But Stella keeps her apartment, too. But more often than not, Stella finds herself on the road to Tanya’s place once she’s settled in a little. Stella is a bit worried: both, that it could be temporary, and that she’s losing her independence.

2\. This is the first time Stella is sort of living with anyone. Well, since her flatshare at university, but still. She never saw herself as the kind of person to live with anyone, and much less anyone with fairly young children. She thought she’d prefer the quietness of her own place, the solace of the late evening hours, the freedom of her bed to herself. And then suddenly, the prospective of being with Tanya sounds so much better than all of that. And she’s still afraid it’ll pass. But when it hasn’t passed after a few months, she begins to trust her instinct. And then packs her bags. And then really moves in.

3\. Tanya makes Stella eat breakfast. Stella has it together with the girls. Stella is very concerned that all of this might be problematic, her living with someone else’s kids, that the kids might not accept her, that there might be nothing to say. But it’s actually fairly easy going. Considering the new school is hard (and yes, Stella also went to school when she was eight) and it’s difficult to find a new soccer team (Stella didn’t play soccer when she was eight, but she had dance lessons, but Tanya’s kids both agree that that’s just super boring). This is the first time in years that Stella’s eating breakfast regularly. And healthfully. And she’s constantly worried about gaining weight, and Tanya’s teasing her about it relentlessly. Maybe she’d also like to go to soccer practice. But then again, she’s not eight anymore.

4\. At first, it’s really difficult to establish a rhythm that actually leaves them a bit of time to themselves. Work is always in the way, obligations that need to be taken care of, a commute into the city that is often no fun. Stella’s been trying to work less, but police work is stressful and all too often can’t be planned; Tanya’s new position does not demand constant overhours, but there’s also her aging parents, her daughters,… After two months of living next to each other rather than really with each other for most of the week, they make a point of having Stella &Tanya time, at least once a week.

5\. The best thing about living together is falling asleep together. When it’s rainy, they keep the window slightly ajar and listen to it, and to the sound of their combined breath. In that moment, life feels very new, and very good. And that’s all there’s to be said about that.


	13. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... from an old prompt on tumblr: cooking and sleep head canon

When Stella Gibson starts seeing Tanya Reed-Smith one of the things that makes her very insecure is the fact that her life is and feels so different from Reed’s.  
Stella has not raised any children, she has never been married, she has never lived with anyone, at least not long-term, has never even had the desire to have any of these things – and hell, most nights she did not even cook. She just made a sandwich or brought home take-out, or ate at a restaurant – something that she is not at all hesitant about. No use cooking just for one person, she thought – a mantra kept from her student days. And as a single woman, she often stayed in the office so long that there was no point to cooking at all.

So once Reed begins spending at least one weekend per month in London – a rhythm that they quickly establish and get used to – Stella tries to learn to cook, much to the surprise of her colleagues, who’ve never seen her bring any leftovers to work. First she just does this to impress her girlfriend, but it turns out that cooking together is a lot of fun. And that Stella is a much better cook than she always made out to be.

Despite their differences in lifestyle, both Stella and Reed are used to sleeping alone when they get to know each other. Stella just because she has not allowed anyone to get so close in the past few years, and Reed because she has been divorced for a few years and has not dated at all because she focused on her daughters, on her job.

But life is full of surprises: The first time Stella wakes up in Reed’s Belfast home – which is incidentally her last night in Belfast on the Spector case – she does so in the other woman’s arms and with her hands on top of Reed’s. Somehow, this must have happened during the night. Stella is quite certain they fell asleep next to each other, but not entangled with each other. Stella is used to getting up right away, but on that very morning, she turns around and gently brushes Reed’s hair out of her face. “Hi,” Tanya whispers, pulling Stella closer. “Just a few more minutes.”


	14. Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... another old one. Violence head canon

Stella Gibson hates violence. She gets upset by the violence she is regularly confronted with due to the nature of her work – men’s violence against women, against other men, violence against children, against homeless people, against those who are made into the enemy, since, for one reason or another, they are different. Part of why Stella became a police officer is because she wanted to support victims of violence, because she wanted to step in, to help break the chain of anger and force of one person against another. Fighting violence has not made Stella hard, more to the contrary. She has become more sensitive over the years, and while she has developed routines, every case is harder on her.  
At the same time, she still tends to self-harm - turning her pain against herself. This happens especially in moments where she feels that she has done wrong, has misjudged a situation, should have acted differently. Reed does not know this at first, and once she finds out, it makes her really sad, and really helpless, too – especially since Stella lives in London and she lives in Belfast when they first get together. And so she feels like there is not that much she can do.  
But there is. Often it helps if she talks to Stella on the phone until she falls asleep, or if she stays in touch with her after a difficult case. The major challenge for Stella is to allow Reed in, and to allow herself to accept her help. And over time, this is something she learns.


	15. Beginnings II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... another tumblr prompt from March. Friendship HC.

Stella has few friends in London. There’s a group of four or five people she sometimes goes to pubs or concerts with; she also has a colleague in the London police department whom she hangs out with at times. She is not afraid to to go parties or events alone, she pretty much just does whatever she wants. 

While other people might describe that as “lonely”, Stella has always enjoyed spending time alone outside of her stressful job; but that job also came with factors isolating her from other people around her: travel, nightshifts, traumatic experiences. 

That being said, her closest friend is a woman a few years older than she is. Maxine is a fashion designer and professor at a London art school, and while Stella can talk to her about anything and everything, she does not really share that much of her inner life even with her. 

However, at one point about a week following her return from Belfast, there is a conversation in which Stella tells her that she met someone in Belfast, a woman, a woman who will be coming to visit her in London soon, and this makes Maxine wonder at first, and then wonder a bit more as suddenly there’s a second visit, and a third, and a fourth. This is not typical for Stella at all, but she decides to wait it out and see what happens. She doesn’t ask Stella about it, she just listens as Stella goes on and on about the pathologist from Northern Ireland. Stella doesn’t define what is going on between them, and Maxine knows better than to ask. If it means anything, Stella will tell her at some point for sure. 

Then, there’s an evening about three months later where she runs into Stella and who she immediately assumes is this mysterious woman from Belfast in Soho. She almost does not recognize Stella at first - she’s laughing out loud, pulling the dark-haired woman close and nuzzling her cheek. Maxine was going to say hi, but does not want to intrude - it seems like an intimate moment, a “more than friends” moment, possibly. But Stella of course recognizes her, winks, smiles, and then answers all her questions, as she takes her companion’s hand and walks over to her. “I think it is time you two finally meet…”


	16. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella realizes that this thing with Tanya is different...

The first time Stella realizes she loves her, really loves her, is upon her return to Belfast, when they are invited to a party at Tanya’s friends’ house. Tanya picks her up from the airport - Stella’s plane is severely delayed on this Friday night and they have to go to the party right away. But not without stopping on the way to properly say hello, not without Tanya caressing Stella’s cheeks, gazing into her eyes; not without Stella gently taking both her hands and smiling softly. 

Tanya has been to London twice to see Stella, now Stella is finally returning the visit. She has been tense all day, no, all week - a curious mix of anticipation and insecurity, of not knowing where this might be going. But as soon as she melts into Tanya’s arms in the semi-dark parking lot between the airport and their destination, everything is fine. There was no need to be afraid: Things are still the same between them, she has not been making this up, this is absolutely real. No physical distance, no three weeks apart, could erase this. 

That night, after they come home from the party, Stella curls up next to Tanya in her bed. “I need you closer to me,” she whispers, gently kissing her cheek, her throat, finally her lips. “I need you, too...” Tanya returns, her hands tenderly stroking Stella’s back under her thin shirt, “I need you all the time. Please let me touch you... I missed you so much.” 

Tanya finally moves to take off her shirt, and suddenly Stella feels her heart race, feels it flutter all over her body, in her stomach, in her bones. She exhales, heavily, and then finally kisses Tanya for real. “I’ve been wanting to do this all day...” she murmurs, her hands unbuttoning Tanya’s pajama top, moving to caress her breasts. This is going to be so good. And then, as she lets Tanya pull her on top, feels her warm breath on her skin, her gentle hands on her arms, just them, just skin on skin, it hits her: How different this is, how she is suddenly filled with tenderness, with the desire to crawl into the other woman. This is not an affair, not a crush. This feels much deeper, much more wholesome. Love. This is love.

One day, she’ll tell her. One day very soon. But for now, it is just them under Tanya’s warm blanket, in a world of their own.


	17. We have time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry.

“Oh my God, “ Stella breathed, lying down next to Tanya, wrapping her arms around her waist, pulling her close, kissing her next to her mouth. “Jesus… you are so good… so hot…. “You’re inspiring me…” Tanya smiles at her, smitten. “And I am so so happy to finally have you back in my arms and in my bed…” “Mmmmhyeah.” Stella pulls Tanya even closer. “I love you…,” she whispers into her ear, gently biting her earlobe, “I’m in love with you…” “Stella…” Tanya looks at her, then leans over to kiss her lips, “I’m in love with you, too… And I hate to say it and as much as I’d love to stay here with you all afternoon, we have to get up and get dressed…” “I know… just a few minutes, ok?” Stella shifts, her left leg now between her girlfriend’s, gazing at her. “Stella, please…” Tanya sighs, “We have no time…” “Yes, we do,” Stella says quietly but matter-of-factly, her hands moving downward, “Just let me do this for a little while…”


	18. Friday night flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanya does not move to London immediately, and for a while they have to do the long-distance thing...

It is already 9:30 p.m. when Stella leaves her office. It’s a Friday, and an urgent issue on one of her co-worker’s cases had come up. Stella immediately had to consult even though she had technically been off work at noon. Now that everything is taken care of she feels absolutely nothing but exhaustion – and sadness, because her Friday evening with her girlfriend has been ruined, and on a weekend where the girls were on a trip with their soccer team and Stella had planned to fly to Belfast. Tanya had texted her a while back letting her know that she was going to watch another episode of House of Cards, and then was headed to bed, and to keep her updated on any developments and possible travel plans. 

Stella wipes a single tear from her eye, and then, on a hunch, decides to drive to Stansted instead of home, to see if there is a way to get her out to Northern Ireland on the very last flight of the day. If she is lucky she can be with Tanya in a few hours from now. This thought surprises her, but she finds herself increasingly unwilling – not unable, but truly unwilling – to spend any more time than necessary without seeing Tanya, to always be the last in the office, to work through weekends. 

It is shortly before midnight when Stella unlocks Tanya’s door, pulling her bag behind her. The house is very quiet at the late hour. She takes off her jacket and shoes, grabs a glass of water and then quietly moves towards the bedroom. Once she’s upstairs and realizes Tanya is asleep, she decides to take off her pants and blouse and slips into bed next to her, beginning to softly caress her shoulders. “Baby…” she whispers into her ear. “Ooooh you are here,” Tanya whispers, “I thought I’d heard something…” 

Tanya turns towards her, gently touching her arm, then her face “Mmmmh kiss me… please…” Stella almost melts at the soft sound of her voice, and then is surprised by the force of Tanya’s kiss, and by the way she pulls her on top.


	19. Concert time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this long ago. Stella and Tanya go see Tori Amos at Royal Albert Hall in London, fall 2017.

She saw Tanya from afar. In a beautiful blue strapless dress, she was quite a sight to see. “Hi honey”, she whispers as she approaches, then pulls her girlfriend close and kisses her below her ear. “This is quite a surprise,” she says quietly, carefully beginning to stroke Tanya’s hipbones, “thank you for coming here… I am excited for this concert… and for this weekend with you…” She leans into Tanya, now kissing her fully on the lips. “Mmmmh Stella,” Tanya exhales “God you smell good, and you look amazing” – she eyes her low-cut black dress appreciatively. “I can’t wait to take that off later…” she confesses, “and I can’t wait to touch you, and feel you… and do everything to you…” “Oooh I like that” Stella whispers back “I’ve been thinking about you all day, too… about all the ways I’m gonna make you come tonight…” “Is that so?” Tanya smiles at her. Stella smiles back. “Yes,” she confirms and kisses Tanya’s lips again. Their kiss threatens to escalate, but then Stella remembers they have a show to see, and pulls Tanya towards the entrance. “We’ll do that later,” she says.


	20. Tattoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I take a little prompt too far...

“You have missed the fucking wildest night,” she is welcomed with a kiss on her cheek. “There was a huge bar fight and this guy started pulling a knife, and then we left, and I got a tattoo - yes, I totally did,” Tanya says, with Stella looking her up and down. “And then I said I wanted a tongue ring as well, but…” she starts laughing “but”, she imitates someone else’s voice evidently, “’no piercings on the same day as tattoos’ and then I just got the tattoo and it hurt and you need to make it better but it’s my secret…” She looks at her girlfriend and winks, “I will show you only when we are alone…”. “Well, whatever…” Stella gives up, lifting both her hands and shaking her head. “I promise I will show you… but later,” Tanya winks at her again. “It’s my secret for now. Only I know it.”

One of Tanya’s friends from her youth is out in Camden Town with them, apparently living out some wild high school memory. This must be one of the dirtiest bars Stella has seen in a long time, and to make things worse, Tanya and this woman, Michelle, are absolutely and totally helplessly drunk even though it is not even 8 p.m. Stella has just joined them; right from her office. “Michelle, this is my Stella,” she was introduced, and very loudly, “She is mine and I am hers… as you know… and she is the best, she is the very best I tell you,” Tanya went on. “Every night we…” “Shhhh, baby,” Stella had to interrupt her, “People are already looking.” “Yes, let them look,” came from her girlfriend as she swallowed what was left of her cocktail. “It is all true… but now first we are getting you a drink. And then I will show you my tattoo,” leading Stella to wonder what in the world is going on and how much they’ve really had to drink before her arrival.

Michelle starts giggling uncontrollably at Stella’s perplexed look. “Yes, you need a drink, you are too serious,” she shouts, “Someone get this woman a drink.” Stella gets up to go to the bar herself—getting a water for her girlfriend and her friend and a cup of coffee for herself. It’s going to be a long night and apparently it just got started. She places the water glasses on the table, then sits down next to Tanya, taking her hand. “Have some water?,” she suggests. “You’re going to have the headache from hell tomorrow… both of you in fact.”

“Noooo, but we are not going home yet,” Tanya whines. “First I want to show you the tattoo… I got it for you. Only for you.” Stella eyes her curiously and then slightly amused. “First water, then the tattoo,” she decides, passing the glass to Tanya. And then, as Tanya finally follows suit and takes the glass, Stella sees the foil on her hand. “Oh my God,” she sighs. “You really got a tattoo…” “Yesssss I told you there was a bar fight and there was a man with a knife, and then I got a tattoo, but you never listen to me…,” Tanya complains.

Stella wants to roll her eyes at hearing this story again – what in the world does the man with the knife have to do with the tattoo, the police officer in her wonders. But she can’t get too annoyed - the whole situation is way too adorable. She has never experienced Tanya drunk in over a year of dating, and had always wondered what would happen after more than a few cocktails. And apparently the day has come where this question is answered. “Ugh I don’t feel so good,” Tanya’s friend suddenly complains and runs towards the bathroom. “Oh my God,” Stella whimpers, “please… Please not tonight.”

“She is sick the second time already, and she drank much much more than me,” Tanya explains, “I am still mostly sober.” She leans over to Stella, putting her hand on her knee. “And now that we are alone,” she hickups, “I will show you the tattoo. I was so brave and it hurt and…” “Honey,” Stella tries to calm her down, “it’s ok. Just show me.” She is expecting the worst: something Tanya will regret, maybe something really embarrassing, something large, very very visible. But then Tanya carefully pulls off the foil, and Stella sees it. It’s actually tiny, and not at all what she expected. It’s a small letter, in flowing font: S, on her right wrist.

“It’s for you,” Tanya whispers. “S for Stella…” And Stella can’t but hug her tightly to herself. “One day,” she kisses her earlobe, “One day soon, I will give you something else to remind you of us at all times.” She touches first the letter on Tanya’s wrist, then her ring finger.

And not even three weeks later, she makes her promise real.


	21. This Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First fall weekend in London, what are the ladies up to? Written following a prompt on tumblr...

“I can’t believe we’ve not come here all year,” Stella states as she parks the car in the park’s lot, shaking her head. “I know… it’s been way too busy lately.” “Oh, I know. But I am kind of glad about how everything’s been going. Girls more adjusted to their school, your job going so well, getting promoted so soon… I am very proud of you, honey.” Tanya looks over at her and smiles, “And living together…” “That one has exceeded all my hopes,” comes from Stella, who leans over and kisses her on the lips. “But let’s go before it starts to rain…”

After a dry, long and very warm summer, fall weather has finally settled over London. On this first real fall weekend, Stella has decided to take Tanya to one of the parks they had visited when Tanya first starting coming to London on the weekends - when they had just met, essentially. A few months after Belfast, but before Tanya’s move, before Stella’s move, before the girls had come to London, before Stella had met Tanya’s family, before so many days and nights shared… It has not even been a full year since the move, Stella realizes with surprise, and yet it feels like a long period of time, but a good long one, despite the struggles they have had to confront as well.

They have only walked for about 20 minutes, enjoying the fresh air and gorgeous fall colors, when it starts to rain, lightly at first. Within minutes, tiny drops of rain turn into a heavy downpour, the fresh breeze feels more like the first real storm of the season coming on. Tanya grabs Stella’s hand. “Come on,” she urges, “let’s get back to the car… last one to get there pays for lunch.” They run until they’re both out of breath, then seek shelter under one of the large trees. “Damn, why didn’t we bring an umbrella, or a raincoat?” Stella mutters to herself. “There’s a huge umbrella in the car and this is London, after all…” “Well… Now it’s too late,” Tanya states matter-of-factly, “And I’m cold…” 

“Come here.” Stella pulls her closer to her. Leaning against the tree, her hands automatically find their way around Tanya’s hips. “Nothing’s better to warm up than making out in the pouring London rain,” she whispers to her before bringing her lips to Tanya’s, kissing her at first carefully, then, as she feels Tanya lean into her, with increasing passion. “Mmmmh, Stella,” Tanya murmurs after a few minutes, “I think we should go home and get out of these clothes?” “I was beginning to think you’d never say that…” Stella returns suggestively, winks at her, then rubs her nose against her girlfriend’s. “And we’ve got the flat to ourselves until tomorrow, so…” “I knooooow, let’s get going.”

Less than an hour later they’ve already made it home, into the shower, and then on to the couch, where they are snuggling under a large soft blanket while listening to the large drops of rain against the living room windows, and the ongoing wind that has really upgraded to “stormy weather” now. “So I remember someone saying something about lunch?,” comes from Stella, who is cuddled into Tanya’s side and resting her head on her collarbone. “And I think I recall I was a little faster?” “Ok, ok, ok… but let’s order something… no way I will get back out into the cold. No way.” Tanya fakes a shiver to make her point. 

She sounds insistent, but there’s a trace of laughter in her voice, and around her eyes, as her hands sneak up under Stella’s shirt. Stella looks up at her adoringly. How much a year has changed them both, so much more than Stella can put into words. “No, I can’t imagine you would,” she returns, “but I have an idea: let me help you warm up right now…”


	22. Nights like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... just another evening where Stella comes home from work late.

There are nights where she comes home late from work finding Tanya asleep on the couch in the living room. The girls are long in bed and Tanya has evidently waited up for her, but it got way too late. 

Stella does not like coming home late anymore. She doesn’t want to work as many extra hours anymore, because she has a family to come home to. She tries to avoid too much out of town travel—she sleeps better with her girlfriend next to her. Stella had always loved being alone, but now? That has changed, too, as have so many other things in her life.

And tonight, she wishes she could carry Tanya up the stairs and into their bedroom. But instead, she kneels down next to the couch, softly touches her shoulder, then her cheek, and leans over, “Hey sweetie, I am finally home. Let’s go to bed, ok?”


	23. Christmas Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holiday Fluff

They’ve been at the Met Christmas Party this evening, which was overall more pleasant than Tanya had expected. It was her first time meeting all of Stella’s colleagues, and she had been rather nervous before they left - for no reason, as it had turned out: People were friendly and welcoming to her; she had received lots of nods and even more soft smiles as Stella had introduced her to everyone in the room. She still wasn’t used to it - being part of a couple again, being taken along, getting introduced as someone else’s significant other. And then, Stella. Stella having become so… for the lack of a better word, open, trusting, confident about this - their relationship, living together, doing these things together: parties, receptions, even Stella’s godson’s graduation not long ago. 

Now, back home, Stella is already upstairs, while Tanya is making sure the doors are locked and the girls are asleep. It’s a quiet night; it gets dark so early this time of year, and both women started shivering from the crisp air in their light dresses walking the short path from the street to the door. Who knows when the first snow will fall: The girls would certainly love a white Christmas, Stella had suggested this afternoon, and this is certainly true. Not only once in the past week had they asked when they could finally build a snowman. 

Tanya used to hate coming home late in winter into a dark apartment, and not being able to fall asleep because of the cold, or the loneliness of her bed, or both. Tonight, she knows, is different. It still feels rather cool when she slips under the covers, but she’s not alone. As soon as she’s settled in, the lights out now, she feels both of Stella’s arms wrap around her, and her lips on her shoulder. “You were so fucking beautiful tonight,” ´Stella whispers, “thank you for coming along to this…” “Anything for you,” she says, turning in Stella’s arms, breathing her in. “But I’m still cold… and you better warm me up now.”


	24. Christmas Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I said I needed some Stella this Christmas, so in case you do too.. here you go.

When she comes back from the bathroom and enters the candlelit bedroom, Tanya stands for an instant to look at the Christmas miracle that is Stella Gibson. Stella is turned on her side, facing to the window; her long blonde hair curled over her back, her dark blue negligée and delicate shoulders left uncovered by the creme colored winter blanket she is wrapped in. There’s a bottle of champagne in a cooler on the nightstand, along with two flutes waiting to be filled.

This is one moment when Tanya cannot believe all the changes this year has brought. Last year, Christmas had been rather uneasy, despite all the fun they’d had prepping Tanya’s home with the kids. At that time, Tanya’s parents had still been coming to terms with the idea that their daughter had come finally back to London – but not for a man, a prospective new son-in-law; but for a tiny blonde police officer named Stella Gibson. Hence, every interaction had been careful and had felt artificial, not casual. They’d eventually warmed up to Stella, but it had been a process, and one eased significantly by the fact that there was a new grandchild in the family – a son to Daniel, Tanya’s younger brother.

This year, Tanya realizes, Christmas is a whole different story. With the girls staying with their father this time around, she and Stella have spent much less time on preparation. There’s not even a real plan for the coming days, just time together, enjoying good food and tasting the wine Stella has brought from a recent work-related trip to France – and then, whatever comes to mind.

“I can hear you thinking,” Stella says quietly from the bed, carefully turning around, making a show of her satin gown and the long blonde curls she had given herself earlier in the day, framing her face and giving her an almost angelic look. “And I have decided that now it’s time to stop thinking,” she continues, eyeing her girlfriend up and down, “and to enjoy the champagne, and the festivities, and… us.” “Is it?,” Tanya asks, sitting down next to Stella, meeting her eyes and then leaning over to kiss her right next to her lips. “In that case - pour the champagne, DSI Gibson!”


	25. For Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Winter's Tale

On this very cold - bordering on freezing - January Sunday, the best thing around is not watching a late afternoon screening of “The Favourite”. It’s not the hot Chai at Starbucks, or the extra large double chocolate cookies that come with it. It’s neither the sun peeking through soft clouds combined with the feeling that the days are getting longer again already, nor the softened sounds of feet shuffling in what’s left of last week’s snow showers. 

It’s huddling home in the dark, taking the shortcut from the tube stop, trembling together, still trembling despite Tanya’s arm tightly around Stella, and Stella’s hand in Tanya’s coat pocket. It’s stopping at a turn, Stella pulling her girlfriend close, and kissing her right next to her mouth. It’s arriving in the familiar street, at their own door, Tanya unlocking it, and pulling Stella into the warm hallway. It’s hearing the door fall shut and Tanya pushing Stella up to the wall, taking off her coat, and letting her hands wander under her warm jumper. 

It’s knowing that they have built this life in this house, and they have a whole new year to look forward to.


	26. Swipe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella's photographs give her away... early on in their relationship.

Stella has kept quiet about it, about this developing… thing that she does not have a word for. Romance? Relationship? It seems too big a word for Stella, who has been alone for so long, who has taken people home but never had them stay over, who has not formally dated anyone in years. 

She hasn’t told anyone that Tanya has been to London several times already, that she has gone back to Belfast the past weekend, that she has met Tanya’s daughters, that they call each other every night and stay on the phone until one of them falls asleep. She has no words to describe what it feels like to hold Tanya’s hand, or smell her hair, or to touch her… touch her everywhere. She has not told anyone that she sleeps better in Tanya’s arms, that she loves being surrounded by her, loves feeling her breath on her throat and her lips on her shoulder - Tanya’s preferred way of waking her up. 

This evening, however, she’s having dinner with an old friend, and she has difficulty containing herself, can hardly keep quiet when her friend casually asks her what’s new. She cannot give herself away, she cannot spend the next hour spilling the truth about Tanya, not yet. It’s too early. Who knows how long it’ll last. She’s Stella. She does not romance anyone. And what’s more, she does not need anyone, does she? She cannot possibly tell her friend that her stomach flutters whenever Tanya sends her a message, that Tanya’s next flight is already booked, that she can’t wait to feel her skin on skin…

Stella just shrugs, looking cooly at her drink, “Not much, just been busy,” she says, “Oh, but let me show you my new sofa, it just arrived.” Stella casually picks up her phone, opening her photographs - and the first one that pops up is a selfie of herself and Tanya, hugging, smiling, Stella’s lips very close to her mouth. It’s… revealing her secret. 

Stella tries to swipe it away nonchalantly, but it’s too late. “Stella… Wowowowow… Who’s that?” Stella just smiles, then looks down. “Seriously… You are… obviously kissing this gorgeous woman and you’re not telling me? Stella?” Stella gazes at her friend dreamily. “Mmmmh,” she sighs. “I guess I am.” “You guess?” Stella swipes to the next picture, Tanya sleeping; and the next, a photograph of them with Tanya’s girls. “She’s a woman I met in Belfast…” she finally gives in. “She was the pathologist on the case… She… she’s here next weekend, so… and now I guess you’re going to have to come over and meet her for yourself…”


	27. An evening scene

Tanya caressing Stella’s face, really slowly and tenderly, touching every freckle and gently following every line around her eyes.


	28. Adding it up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gift of flowers.

“An old boyfriend sent a bunch of flowers to my office, can you believe it?”, Tanya texts her, along with a picture, and Stella is… worried. 

Three months, five trips to London, three to Belfast, one to Wales; sixteen times breakfast together, nightly calls, literally thousands of WhatsApp messages, twenty-four selfies taken together, another seventeen that Stella sent to Tanya and twenty-two Tanya sent back. Two excursions with Tanya’s daughters, nineteen dinners, three visits to the movies, two times falling asleep together on the couch. Three nights spent entirely awake because they could not stop kissing, seven naps during the day, two bouquets of roses, four taxi rides, one missed train connection and at the end of that last visit a tiny rose colored heart hastily drawn with lipstick on a piece of paper floating around on Stella’s desk before Tanya had to rush to the airport. 

And now? One photo of flowers from an old boyfriend, who had certainly also left his number, and who knows what else for Tanya. And Stella Gibson - one woman at unease, carefully weighing her options. 

“Too bad,” Tanya’s next message comes, “too bad that I’m not even here to enjoy them… I found a flight for tonight, say you’ll have me over this weekend, please?” 

Stella Gibson, one woman taking one deep breath.


	29. Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Washing machine fluff ;)

It starts with an additional toothbrush in the bathroom. Gradually, more items accumulate. A pair of grey high heels. A dark blue comfortable jumper. Some underwear and her warm socks. A handbag. Her favorite candy bars. Finally, some of the silk blouses, blazers, and skirts Stella wears to work. A coat for colder weather. Another pair of heels.

For weeks, it’s never a subject of conversation, this testament to their lives growing increasingly together. Neither wants to bring it up – Tanya not for fear of Stella moving a step back and taking her things to her Central London apartment, Stella not because then she would have to admit to herself that… what, even? That this thing – this feeling, this vague but growing comfort, this constant desire to touch – between them is still there, that it’s ‘real’, and lasting? Ongoing after seven months? That they’ve only grown closer since Tanya has moved back to the London area? That she’s… sort of living there, and not just on the weekends?

If she were honest with herself, she would have to realize that in the past month she has spent nine nights at her own place – eight because she had to come in very early or got out very late, and one because it was her best friend’s birthday and they had gone out in the city. 

This makes less than a third. And a third is not a lot, and especially not for Stella, who for years and years had kept all attachments as far away as possible, and had not stayed over at a lover’s house, not once. She had preferred hotel rooms – no traces, no common path, no shared real life space. Leaving her shoes, her coat, her blouses at Tanya’s house – a big deal. If she were to think about it. Which she doesn’t allow herself to do. No contemplation about this. No commitment. No commitment – right? Stella Gibson does not commit herself.

And yet, while she does not consciously count or keep track of these matters, others around her do – a neighbor asks Stella if she’s working out of town these days when she’s carrying her trash out one morning, and she gives him a questioning look, then shaking her head, no. One of her colleagues offers to drive her home after a late night and wants to know Tanya’s address as she’s programming her GPS, to which Stella whispers “Just to my flat, you know” - but still, her coworker catches her fiery blush. Her best friend never calls her landline anymore, only her cell phone, as chances are she’s not at home. Not ever, it feels like. 

There’s never any fresh food at her apartment anymore, just some cereal and coffee, never any flowers; newspapers keep accumulating in her hallway. Sometimes Stella drives to her apartment, checks for any urgent mail, and drives on to Tanya’s, not without a fresh bunch of flowers from the shop next door. No contemplation why. No. No commitment.

The thought of all of this is… too big to bring up for a while, and the moment they address it comes surprisingly, unexpectedly – and by way of Tanya’s younger daughter who walks up to Stella one Sunday afternoon as she is about to leave to get some clean clothes for the week, voicing a question that she had apparently been contemplating for a while: “Why do you not use our washing machine, Stella? Because we brought one from Belfast, and it finally arrived, but maybe mom didn’t tell you…” Stella and Tanya look at each other, Tanya shakes her head nervously, then says, “Sometimes things are not so easy, honey, ok?”

That night, after the girls have gone to bed, Tanya sits down next to Stella on the couch, leans her head on her shoulder and looks up at her. “You know,” she says after a while, “maybe she’s right… maybe it is time we talk about… you using our washing machine.” “You think so?,” Stella whispers. 

Their first kiss after this admission is almost shy; Stella runs her hands through Tanya’s hair, looks into her eyes, caresses her cheek. “I think so,” Tanya says quietly, “and you can think about it, too, and decide when the time feels right, ok?” “Yes,” Stella returns, pulling Tanya into her lap, kissing her deeply this time, “And now feels very right… very very right.”


	30. 3:47 a.m.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A time to dream.

There are times when Stella wakes up in the middle of the night and still cannot believe that this is her life now: A bedroom with white walls, high ceilings and a big bed, a comforter large enough to share, and her girlfriend breathing quietly and regularly next to her. Those nights she opens and closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, smiles to herself and then pulls Tanya’s warm body a little closer to hers. 

Those nights feel like a dream she never wants to wake up from.


	31. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April brings cold weather

It’s early April and a last wintry blast of cold holds London tightly in its grip. There’s no snow on the ground, but at night it is freezing and this morning, Stella opted for her warm coat instead of her lighter spring jacket that she had worn the previous days. 

It’s the end of a very long day for Stella. The MET is undergoing an external evaluation, which means mountains of paperwork, and countless preparatory meetings for the process to come.They all can’t wait for it to be over, so they can finally get back to their regular work. 

It almost midnight when Stella unlocks the door on this Tuesday, and everyone is already asleep. She takes off her shoes and coat, gets a glass of water from the kitchen and then makes her way up the stairs, first checking on the girls, quietly closing the doors to their rooms, then proceeding into the bathroom. 

Less than five minutes later, she slips into the master bedroom, finding Tanya sleeping on what is usually “her” side of the bed, her head on her pillow, her sleepshirt tightly in her hand. As quietly as she can, Stella takes off her clothes, takes another shirt from the wardrobe and gets into bed, trying her best not to wake her girlfriend. 

She has just pulled the comforter up and laid down when she feels Tanya scoot up to her, only half awake. Stella’s hand moves to her face almost on its own, softly pushing her hair out of the way and caressing her cheek. “Cold,” Tanya whispers as kisses Stella’s shoulder. “I know,” Stella returns quietly. “But I’m here now, and I’ll keep you warm.” That said, she wraps her arms around her girlfriend and pulls her on top of her. “Just stay as close to me as you can, ok?


	32. Changed Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all. Early on, beginnings of their relationship.

Early on in their relationship, before they had called it a relationship or really, anything else, there was a weekend where Tanya was invited to speak at a conference in London, and while she had a hotel room booked in her name, she had dropped by Stella’s home the Thursday evening she arrived. Stella had offered to pick her up from the airport and take her to dinner or her hotel or to wherever she wanted and needed to be, but since Tanya was going to get there late and had to be up early the next day she had said no to that offer, bearing in mind that Stella, too, had to sleep, that Stella had to go to work the next day, that Stella probably had a whole lot of other obligations that she should not intrude into. 

On the plane she had however changed her mind about that very early night and decided she could just go by Stella’s and say hello, and then be disciplined and leave after 15 minutes or so. Just one kiss. She’d see her after the conference anyway, even if it was just for a short time on Sunday. 

Turned out plans could be changed. 

Turned out plans were bound to change entirely, as it was 6:22 a.m. when Tanya lazily opened her eyes, smiling at the memory of her arrival at Stella’s house, Stella’s look of absolute and honest surprise, Stella pulling her in and pushing her up against the wall, and then proceeding to rid her first of her jacket, her shirt, then of her bra, then of the rest of her clothes, and finally of any thought of going to the hotel right away, or at all that night. And they must have been exhausted - seeing it was now more than six hours later, and there being absolutely no sign of Stella waking up, though Tanya knew by now she’s an early riser.

And keeping an eye on the time, Tanya was now going to have to get up and rush to make it to conference registration on time. “Stella,” she whispered, gently caressing her lover’s face, realizing she’d left a mark on her throat last night and another on her collarbone. “Mmmmh…” was the only response from Stella. “I need to go - and I think you need to get up…” “What?” Stella sat up in her bed suddenly. “I need to check in and register and go to the conference and…” “I know,” Stella whispered looking at her with a gaze that Tanya could only interpret as a mixture of care and desire, “but first you need to kiss me, and then you need to hold me… and then you need to cancel your room because I need you back here with me tonight…” “But you said,” Tanya stated, looking at her intently, “that you had somewhere to be tonight, for work.” “I know,” Stella returned. “But this is the moment where plans change. And now kiss me… please.” 

And Tanya did, and then did not leave for another hour and a half. Turned out plans could be changed, and in the long run, lives could be, too.


	33. Possessive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A man is looking. And Stella acts oblivious. And Reed feels challenged.

He’s been staring at Stella for the past five minutes at least; Tanya can see him all the way from the bar, twisting in his seat, turning his glass – likely filled with whiskey – in his hands, looking up, down, up again. He’s tall, dark, in good shape. But he’s nervous, his body language gives him away. His eyebrows are twitching; he puts one hand on his knee, he looks Stella up and down and up again, from her flowing blonde hair to her impressive black heels and back. He’s waiting. He is expecting Stella to look up and look at him. It’s all in his plan. She’ll see him. He’ll be coming over soon. For sure.

Stella is oblivious. She is oblivious like this most times this happens. She quietly smiles to herself, adjusts her sunglasses, beats one leg over the other; takes a sip of her latte, then another, then licks her lips. She’s in blue jeans for once, but did not forego the heels, not even on this late Friday afternoon. A tight and shiny black blouse and soft leather jacket complete the look. She’s hot. And she certainly knows.

The man clears his throat when Stella puts her hand on the table. Her hand is bare but for a small silver ring on her left ring finger. Tanya has the same one and right now it’s visible. Tanya brushes her hair out of her face and gives the man a challenging look. He looks down and looks right back at her, then at Stella again. “Do you think,” Stella interrupts her line of thinking, “that we should go back to the coast this weekend or next? The beach might be very crowded around the bank holiday, but then again, the weather looks right around now… I should make some calls about it when we’re home…” Stella licks her lower lip. Oblivious. Again. “Why,” Tanya mumbles to herself, “yes of course, whenever.” She takes another look at the man, who is now openly staring at Stella, who gives Tanya a curious look.

“He won’t be coming over,” she states and leans back in her chair. “What?” “Don’t think I didn’t see.” “Why did you encourage him then?” Tanya takes a look at Stella. “I like it when you act possessive around me,” she states. “It’s a good look on you.”


End file.
